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I yearn for a simpler time. Life in this modern age can be frustrating and scary, what with the global warming and the bad cholesterol and the high-definition reruns of 'The Nanny'. I long for a more peaceful existence, free from the complications of the twenty-first century lifestyle. I'm ready to re-adopt a few of our long-forgotten traditions, to recapture the halcyon days of yore. Yesteryore, even. I'm not screwing around here.
First, I'd like to go back to using surnames to describe peoples' professions. So, if I meet a Shoemaker, I'll know he can help me patch the holes in my sneakers. If I run into a Baker, I can ask for a 'doughnut hole', without worrying how exactly he'll interpret the request. And if a Parker happens to be around -- well, maybe he can finally get my car into my garage spot. Plus, he might be turn out to be Spider-Man. That would be sweet.
While we're at it, how about if we go back to riding horses to get around? Gas prices are high, pollution is terrible, and I for one am fed up with that creepy, big-eared 'zoom zoom' brat. Much better that we should saunter around the natural way, atop large domesticated hairy animals. We can ride twelve wide down the highway, trotting and cantering our way to the office. Sure, we'll all need stables -- and salt licks, and hay bales, and the level of poop in the streets would escalate, just a touch, unless you live in Paramus -- but it's a small price to pay to be rid of our mobile metal monsters. And just think of all the glue and Big Macs we'll be able to make with the 'leftovers'.
It doesn't end there, though. I think we should settle all of our differences the old-fashioned way, too, with a nice pistol duel. If it was good enough for the founding fathers, then why not us? Put away the fancy Glocks and rifles -- those things won't help you much, anyway, once we convert back to horseback travel. Have you ever heard of a 'gallop-by shooting'? Me, neither. We'll nip an awful lot of violence in the bud, if the would-be perps were forced to use ancient flint-lock pieces to do their dirty deeds. Those things are more likely to blow off your fingers than to take out your enemy. I'd think twice before stepping off ten paces against the guy who dissed my baby's mama, that's for sure.
I suppose the Internet is out, too -- if there's anything that screams 'modern technology', it's the internet. So we'll have to get our porn somewhere else, obviously. But also our communications -- email goes out the window, too. Maybe we can Pony Express parchments to each other, or learn to send 'leetspeak' instant messages via smoke signal. Of course, if the spammers get their grubby paws on that technology, they'll fill the skies with soot, selling their snake oil and combination butter churns/penis enlargers. And you thought pop-up ads were bad; at least nobody ever got black lung from one of those.
Finally, let's start talking like the old-timers -- sorry, I mean, 'olde-timers'. All the fancy new lingo and technical jargon around today -- let's throw it all away, and replace it with words like 'forsooth' and ''verily'. Sure, nobody knows what the hell those things mean any more, but is that really any different than technoweenie talk like 'phishing' or 'emoticon'? If we're going to be unintelligible, at least we can sound Shakespearean. That's my attitude.
Would any of these measures make our lives easier? Perhaps. Maybe we should ask the Amish, before we go to all the trouble. They certainly seem happy, raising barns and riding in buggies and not smoking or drinking or dancing or... wow. If we're really serious about going 'retro', I suppose we have to fall in line with all of that uber-observant religious mumbo-jumbo, too. I never thought about that. And there's no way I'm getting up before noon on Sundays, or giving up my three-margarita breakfasts. So, never mind. Maybe the modern life isn't quite so bad, after all. Verily.
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A typical day at the inbox
Today, I received 374 emails total.
A pretty light day considering some days I get more than 1,000.
To clarify what they were35 were for business, 4 were personal in nature, 11 were from groups I asked to get information from like Neiman Marcus and Urban Outfitters, VH1, and a PR Newsletter.
The balance of 324 was unsolicited (UCEunsolicited commercial email)in other words spam.
If I extrapolate the UCE I’ve gotten in the last six hours alone, I find I must be missing something about myself on some spiritual level..
I am a balding, fat man with a small penis that doesn’t work. I am in debt.
I am looking for a lower interest rate on my mortgage while at the same time making thousands of dollars with no effort on my part in the privacy of my own home—filling out surveys, stuffing envelopes and not selling something that miraculously sells itself.
Even better, I can be a travel agent without wrinkles; obtain a college degree while waiting for my 1500 advance to show up in my bank account; I can restore my credit rating legally while watching my free satellite TV and munching on my drugs sent courtesy of an offshore pharmacy that has a doctor who will write me a prescription… HMMM…definitely something to consider. NOT.
I’ve also discovered that I am a prime candidate to help an African Prince transfer funds into the US. He trusts me. All I have to do is give him my bank account information.
The problem is that I am a woman who doesn’t suffer those ills. Someone thinks I do…There is something wrong with this picture.
The future of bulk email and why it is likely to remain dead
Now, you might be asking why I, who was dubbed the “Spam Queen” in the “Wall Street Journal” three years ago, am even bothering to say anything about email?
Just to set the record straight, I have never advocated spam or sending spam.
One reporter said to me, "Some people consider all bulk email as spam. What do you have to say about that?" to which I replied, "Then I guess you'd call me the spam queen," as a joke.
In our sound byte media world, one editor turned this little quip into a buzzword and I became known almost instantly, all over the world, as representing what everyone, including myself, hates about email.
The media as usual emphasized sensationalism and missed the point.
I am not complaining because my marketing business skyrocketed as a result.
At that time I advocated email as a very effective medium for small business, which because of its low cost lets small businesses level the playing field against big corporations.
At no small personal risk, I visited the Federal Trade Commission in Washington, DC, and spoke my peace about small businesses and not throwing out the baby with the bathwater before even the very term spam could be legally agreed upon and defined to the satisfaction of marketers, ISPs and the government jointly.
Small businesses are the lifeblood of the US economy, and entrepreneurs with their dreams are what have made the US the economic powerhouse it still is today.
Email that is sent to people who WANT to receive it, and that is in accordance with their preferences, still gets a high response. It allows many small businesses to get ahead. I didn't want to see big corporations or the government take over email and bar entry, filter, and extort everyone else while still sending their own advertising messages freely.
And then came the CanSpam act, which I and many other legitimate marketers welcomed, because it had a great promise of getting rid of the noise while keeping the signal.
As it turned out, the opposite happened. Email filters from ISP's now block a large amount of legitimate messages, which they call "false positives".
Marketers can't send the text they would like to send to their subscribers, so they have to resort to filter tricking tactics such as spelling the word spam as sp@@@M so that they can get past the filters that were intended for another purpose entirely.
In a climate like this, legitimate companies that had been diligently following best practices, and keeping their lists clean for years, suddenly did not want to stay in business with ambiguities in the law and the potential litigation that might ensue even if all the rules WERE followed, so many companies just folded.
However the people that continue to send email illegally did not fold.
Often times sending from outside the US borders, they stepped up their operations even more, to the point that there is almost no truly legitimate bulk email left.
In other words, the signal has become lost in the noise.
The simplicity is this — bulk commercial email has gotten to the point where it isn’t effective. We just don’t do it anymore. What’s the point? It doesn’t get a response, and we found people are overloaded with advertising messages and no longer willing to receive more, especially in their inbox, unless they specifically asked for it.
As a marketing professional, the only thing that should count for you at the end of the day is effectiveness. Bulk commercial email has turned into the above, a bunch of unprofessional, ineffective scams.
In other words, Spam is a fourletter word.
Legitimate marketers are staying away in droves and it’s easy to see why. First of all let’s look at some facts. In the United States, it is legal to send unsolicited commercial email. The CAN SPAM act allows for this. You have to provide a way to optout and not hide who you are, and a few more simple but ethical rules.
Although it is legal, there isn’t an internet service provider in the United States who will allow you to send unsolicited commercial email.
Larger mailers have optin information from lists they purchase which imply consent but those lists aren’t originated from the mailer, but from other submailers—you get a free thing or access to a particular site and the user checks a box that it is okay to get information from their “affiliates and partners.”
The “affiliates and partners” they are referring to are those who pay for the email addresses and optin information.
These guys are sending you mail legally, but the fact is, they are not getting into your email box for the most part. Blocking, filtering, and doing it the “legal” way bulk wise, is just not working.
Not to mention, there is no way to prove that the recipients opted in or are willing to get the message since they opted in at someone else’s site, not yours.
The response rate is pathetic and when that mail does get through, you have many disgruntled individuals who never remember opting in, so in their view, the mail is unsolicited. The only way to get email into inboxes en masse is by not following the rules, so the only messages getting through are the scams, including the pornographic, illegal, and objectionable.
It is ironic that the very thing people want to rail against, they are getting more of in the aftermath of CanSpam.
So where does that leave us?
What can a small businessperson do to get their message out, and not break their bank?
How to market effectively in the new internet wave
If you are a small businessperson, there are 3 alternatives that you should consider, which are described in this next section:
What is effective you might ask? (Ask away, it’s kind of the point here..)
1) First party offers that impart some value added (a tip; some information, something the consumer is interested in.)
Lets say John Q. Consumer gave his email address for a newsletter, or for more information on a particular subject, or to play a game.
Chances are he probably would not be angered to get an email from your company especially since he asked for you to contact him. He would recognize your domain name since he spent enough time on your site to actually ask the info.
Additionally, your internet service provider would not shut you down for violations and you’d start to build a small but effective list of people who are actually interested in what you, as a business owner, have to say.
This has been effective since the beginning of the internet. The only problem is, how do you reach people the first time, to get them to your site?
How do you find a target market for your products that is likely to be interested in what you have to offer and sign up for your newsletter, visit your site, and hopefully buy your stuff?
Is there anything less costly than television, radio, and (ugh!) banner ads?
Yes there is. Drum roll please…..Search Engine Marketing. If you write good ads, and compete with the right keywords, people who are already searching for an answer to a question, doing research, comparison shopping will go to a search engine and type in their parameters.
If you know how to market well, only people who are interested will go to your site.
If you have a web site that is compelling and you are offering a value added, they will ask for more information or sign up for your newsletter, or get your free download.
Now, getting to this point can sometimes take a little time, but if you are persistent, and know how to interpret your statistics, you can do this. If you want the result without the learning curve, hire a Search Engine Marketing Firm.
So the new tools for small businesspeople to stampede traffic to their websites in 2005 and beyond are going to be:
1) Search Engine Marketing
2) Publicity, including press releases that provide meaningful news
3) Providing quality content and expert commentary for radio, TV, and internet hubs in your field
You can be successful on the internet and these tools help to establish you as an expert in your field, as well as attract the very people who are looking for your product or service at the same time.
These are the tools of a new form of marketing, which people are calling "In Touch" Marketing, or "intelligent marketing" and is one way to cut through and actually get you the most possible business, at the lowest possible cost, with laser precise targeting. In future articles I will teach you how to use them with deadly precision.
This is the new way for small businesses and entrepreneurs to succeed in 2005 and beyond.
Remember, you heard it here first :)
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Reading the Kama Sutra or the Perfumed Garden and learning the positions outlined in them will bring you numerous sexual positions to give you and your partner huge satisfaction in your sex life.
The 3 top best sex positions are culled from the two works above, and also the life of Casanova.
There seems to been, in our ancient past, an extensive knowledge of a lady’s erogenous zones, including by not limited to the clitoris, the G-spot and T-Zone…all having to do with pagan sexual rights and knowledge, as well as the sacred writings of India and China.
In fact, the early treatise such as the Tantra has classified the sexual act in much greater detail than even could be imagined in our own day.
There are three powerhouse positions that stand out in the human experience as very special, and they are indeed the top 3 best sex positions in history. They are the Crab (modified doggy style), Dok-al-Arz (translated from Arabic as ‘pounding the spot’, a sitting position), and the Horse position (a modified missionary position).
The Crab:
This is NOT the doggy style, as in that pose - the woman has her head parallel with the floor (or the bed). She is on all fours, but her head is down, touching the bed, and her arms stretched out in front of her for balance and support.
The man enters from the rear, and begins a slow and rhythmical thrusting. In this position you have some clitoral stimulation, but lots of G-spot stimulation if aim for this area. You will also have the thrill of pure sex.
You have deep penetration, and your hands are free to explore your partner’s body. You can also raise the head of your partner till it is parallel with the bed, or even higher, adjusting your thrusting the whole time.
Dok-al-Arz.
This is the most famous position mentioned in the classic Arab work on sex (from the early 1400s), called the Perfume Garden.
This is recommended if you wish the woman to love you afterwards. It is quite simple to achieve. The man will sit on the edge of the bed, with his legs firmly on the floor.
The woman will mount him, face to face, inserting his penis as she mounts. She will then wrap her legs around the man’s waste.
There is no thrusting in this position, only some circular motion, as in a belly dance. The woman is in control, and there is maximum clitoral and G-spot stimulation, even T-Zone at the back of the uterus. When orgasm arrives, it is profound and long-lasting.
The Horse.
This is a favorite mention in works of Tao of Sex, and gives the man a maximum time for this erection, and the woman has a deep penetration, and super G-spot stimulation, as well and full T-Zone.
The woman is placed on her back on a high-raise bed or table. The man must be standing and able to offer a full pelvic swing.
The woman’s legs are spread apart and raised at knee length towards her chest, exposing her genital area.
The man then penetrates the woman, and begins thrusting. The thrusting should follow four short thrusts followed by one or two complete and deep thrusts. The motion must be slow and rhythmical and not forced.
Sooner than you might expect, due to all the stimulation, the woman will arrive at a spectacular orgasm.
Naturally there are almost endless variations to these, but throughout the ages, there are the top 3 best positions in history.
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Hey Viagra users! Do you know how your magic pill works on you? Hmmm…forgotten right! Or are you ignorant about its mechanism? Whatever, am sure about one thing you were startled after reading the title of this write-up!
To understand Viagra mechanism we need to first understand how one gets a penis erection. Penile erection process is initiated with sexual excitement. The stimulation generates electrical impulses in the brain and sends it to the nerves going to the penile section. The nerve then releases nitric oxide to increase the production of cyclic GMP in muscle cells of corpus cavernosum simultaneously. Nitric oxide smoothes the muscles and increases the size of the blood vessels allowing high-speed blood flow to the penis. As a result the penis is engorged with blood making it firm and strong for penetrative sex. So what we understand from this is that the level of NO (Nitric oxide) is mainly responsible for giving a strong penile erection. Viagra does not have any direct relaxant effect on the penile section but it enhances the effect of nitric oxide by inhibiting phosphodiesterase type 5 (PDE5). When sexual stimulation leads to the release of Nitric oxide, the inhibition of PDE5 by Viagra causes increased levels of cyclic guanosine monophosphate which gives muscle relaxation and blood inflow to the corpus cavernosum which ultimately helps in getting the required erections of the penis.
Now, I am sure you will be able to relate the Nobel Prize winner Dr. Furchgott with Viagra and its functioning. Nitric oxide was initially known as Endothelial Derived Relaxing Factor (EDRF), ERDF was released, when patients took the nitrate-type blood pressure medicines popular in the 1970s and 1980s, and in turn it caused relaxation of the smooth muscles around the blood vessels and the arteries became larger, allowing better blood flow and a lower blood pressure. In 1986, Dr. Furchgott identified the EDRF as nitric oxide.
This is where the Viagra makers got the idea of a magic pill for sex which revolutionized the whole idea of impotence. They noticed from the research that the nitrate drugs had certain side-effects on the blood vessels and the arteries; relaxing the smooth muscles around the blood vessels thereby increasing the blood flows in the human body. They related it to the erectile anatomy and discovered Sildenafil citrate, a chemical that inhibited PDE5 inhibitors which is responsible for the level of NO (nitric oxide) in the penile section. Sildenafil Citrate, under the brand name of Viagra, became the pioneer pill for the treatment of erectile dysfunction and received FDA approval on March 27, 1998, the rest is history!
After all a better blood flow is the key factor behind a strong erection. So the master mind behind Viagra, in a way, remains Dr. Furchgott, the inventor of nitric oxide. Without the knowledge of the existence of nitric oxide, no one could think of inhibiting phosphodiesterase type 5 to maintain the level of NO to get penis erection.
Let’s toast for the good health of Dr. Furchgott and congratulate him on winning the Nobel Prize. Without his discoveries Viagra would not have been possible and millions of men with erectile dysfunction would have continued to live hopelessly and helplessly as ‘ashamed impotents’. Thanks Dr. Furchgott for everything you have given us through your discovery!
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Can love dolls really substitute a real lover? That is something that is up to the user of a realistic sex doll, but in reality, yes they can to an extent. The options are almost endless when it comes to choosing a life-size love doll that is right for you. There are many life-size love dolls that are on the market and will come in the likes of your favorite stars of the industry, such as Jesse Jane and Jenna Jameson. Love dolls are also made for the ladies. They make life-size love dolls such as John Holmes and many of the males in the sex industry, also accessible are realistic sex dolls that come in a different profession such as a construction worker. For the more alternative type of sex doll, transsexual sex dolls and even a doll that does not fit in to the slim and trim category.
These great companions are as life like as they get, some are made with soft and very sturdy latex, and some are made from hygienic surgical grade Latex for the perfect feel and fit. CyberSkin and IsoFoam are also offered as an alternative to the latex ones. Life-size love dolls with mannequin heads provide a sturdy and sold night of fun and can be handled a bit coarser then the ones that do not have it. Life like love dolls are great for those lonely times when a love life has gone dry. Realistic sex dolls do everything that a real lover can do, minus the touching it can do to you.
Some of the dolls will come with the sucking mouth feature that provides oral sex for the men and a vibrating, rotating tongue for the ladies. All realistic sex dolls provide a deep tight anus, be it male or female. Male dolls have a penis that is always hard and some will vibrate along with the testicles and may be removable. Women sex dolls have very firm breast and hard nipples that are very inviting to touch and play with alone with a deep tight vagina. Some of the body parts can be removable and used for a hand held masturbator for both men and woman and are easy washable. Love dolls can take a considerable amount of weight, if you care to sit on one and give it a try.
Massage and love oils are always welcomed to be rubbed on the dolls, they are easy cleanable and help keep the friction to a minimal when playing with your love doll. Almost anything can be applied to a life-size love doll; you may want to check the package for the heat and weight restrictions as a precaution to yourself and the doll. Always take care of the doll by washing it after each use and storing it in a safe place. This will ensure that it will last a long time as a lover.
